Monday, October 26, 2009

Mission Kate plus 8 minus Jon = Underway

Kate's one-hour special aired tonight. The producers chose several irrelevant questions from viewers but sporadically asked a few interesting ones. Kate proceeded to give vague answers and mention how much she loves her kids in almost every response.

Shocking, right?

As per usual, she was void of any likable personality and constantly used big words in the wrong contexts.

When asked if she thought the kids knew they were famous, she discussed how some of the their classmates mention that they see them on television. She instructed her children to say, "Thank you, but I don't really want to talk about it." Yeah, great advice mom. Now it'll be a cinch to make new friends! 

She followed that by saying, "It's just all about handling what is dealt to you, and handling it in a positive manner."

Dealt? Really, Kate? No one "dealt" you this hand. You chose to expose your life this way and continue to air you're dirty laundry the show, so paparazzi will follow you around. It comes with the territory, my friend.

Another great moment was when Kate talked about the popular Halloween wig of her hairstyle, followed by the explanation of why they couldn't put her name on the product. Basically, because then they would have to give her some of the proceeds. Which is too bad, because apparently they are back-ordered until the "end of time."

Hands down, the best part came when Kate discussed her "fans" and how flattered she was that people would come and wait in line for eight hours just to meet her. She then proceeded to state that she wouldn't wait eight hours to see anyone, not even Julia Roberts. Wow.

If you want a good laugh, I'll quickly mention the fact that Kate now aspires to be in a movie, or the voice of a cartoon because "it would, fun." Yeah, if there's any parts out there for a wordy, neurotic mom with a ridiculous haircut and Winnie the Pooh tattoo, she's got it in the bag.

Kate will have another chance to rack up the sympathy points discuss her side in a one-on-one interview with Natalie Morales in the TLC special event, Kate: Her Story, airing Monday at 9p.m.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Check out what's been going on this week

Here we go again.

The official end of Jon and Kate plus 8 is upon us. And what better way to go out than to give Kate her own one-hour special to rack up the sympathy points. In the special, which is set to air on Monday, Kate will answer viewer questions and talk about how desperate she is for publicity her life. Oh joy.

Shirin was sent home on Project Runway on Thursday for the less-than-stellar dress she designed for  Christina Aguilera. She definitely shouldn't have gone home in this challenge. Chris designed a horrendous pair of sequined booty shorts, which should be grounds for an immediate "out."  Hopefully he will finally be sent home next week and the universe will once again make sense.

Here's a shocker.

Stephanie Pratt, one of the wannabe stars of The Hills was arrested on Sunday for drunk driving. After getting her lips injected a few months ago, I didn't think she could possibly do anything more idiotic.

I guess we all have to be wrong sometimes.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Stars love Siriano's style

Since Christian Siriano's win on the fourth season of Project Runway, he's been super busy.

Designing clothes for celebrities that is.

Christian, 23, is my personal favorite Project Runway winner of all time. He also seems to be the only one doing big things with his win. His Spring 2009 collection was a hit at Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week, and garnered attention from many celebrities and fashion icons. Many have been spotted wearing his designs.

Heidi Klum, former Victoria's Secret model and host of Project Runway,  wore a dress straight from Christian's Spring 2009 line on stage at the Emmy Awards. The event must have fallen into one of the few spans of time when Heidi wasn't pregnant.

Tori Spelling attended Christian's show at Fashion Week wearing one of his designs. Spelling is best known for the role her father gave her as Donna Martin on Beverly Hills, 90210. She can now be seen in her terrible reality show, Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood on the Oxygen network. Maybe if she's keeps wearing Christian's outfits it'll distract everyone from her abnormally large head.

Whoopi Goldberg is a hilarious woman and a great actor, but she is definitely not known for her fashion sense. This dress was a pleasant surprise. She wore one of Christian's pieces when she hosted the Tony Awards in 2008. It was definitely a step up from the hideous dress she wore to the Academy Awards.

Christian is still as fierce as always.

Speaking of fierce, I just ordered Christian's  new book "Fierce Style: How to Be Your Most Fabulous Self."

In the book, Christian gives style advice, shares his personal journey to success, and reveals his own original sketches and behind-the-scenes photos. A must-read. Obviously.

Updates on the book coming soon!

Monday, October 12, 2009

Who are you and why are you famous?

When I was younger, I used to watch I Love Lucy religiously. Lucille Ball is one of the best actresses of all time...the Queen of Comedy! Although the show was in black and white and completely Rated-G, I still found it hilarious. I own Lucille Ball dolls, lunch-boxes, t-shirts, purses, playing cards, you name it. She's an idol. Someone to look up to for her talent and pioneering efforts.

But now little girls look up to Paris Hilton and Lauren Conrad. People who are famous for...oh wait, NOTHING. These women have no talent, mediocre personalities, and less than desirable reputations. Some if not all of them are famous for their looks, wealth, and/or family name, all or some of which allowed them short or far overdue stints on some realm of reality television.

I would be a hypocrite if I said that watching these duds on television was a waste of time, because I obviously am guilty of tuning in. But there is a difference between watching a show for entertainment purposes or envying their haircuts or handbags, and full-on idolizing them.

Back in the day, an idol was someone or something to which religious worship was addressed. Now when adult women actually go on a television show to try and earn the honor of being Paris Hilton's BFF,  I actually have to force the bile back down my throat. That is preposterous! She isn't an idol at all. She is just the daughter of a man who owns several hotels. Woo-hoo. (She did try to act a few times but all of her appearances were vomitous, including her infamous sex-tape. Stay classy Paris.)

Ok, so maybe I've been drinking some major Paris haterade but believe me, there are other equally as irrelevant-but-for-some-reason-relevant people to also hate on.

The non-talented section:

Nicole Richie

She is the daughter of singer Lionel Richie. She was best friends with Paris Hilton, and some imbecile gave the two of them a reality show called The Simple Life. During the show they lived with families in rural America and try to adapt to what life was like outside of Los Angeles. Apparently their were 5 seasons of this horrendous show. She then stayed in the headlines by dating other semi-celebrities, becoming anorexic, and having children with bizarre made-up names.

Ceiling Eyes Audrina Patridge

 She is one of the original cast members of MTV's The Hills. She just happened to live in the same building as the shows' star, Lauren Conrad, and POOF! Now she's famous for being young and semi attractive! The most revolting part really is that she makes a whopping $100,000 per episode of The Hills. For a girl with zero personality, a non-existent vocabulary, and no talent whatsoever, she's doing pretty well for herself.

Kate Gosselin

Best known as the "Kate" in "Jon and Kate plus 8." You've heard the story. She has eight half-Asian children under the age of 9. During the first few seasons of the show, it was entertaining to see a set of twins and sextuplets thriving. The part that always made you want to change the channel was Kate's constant complaining and bickering. She exploited her children for five years so that she could reap the benefits and not have to work for the rest of her life and gallivant around town and have sitters watch her kids spend time with her children. She is now going through a nasty divorce, all publicly of course, and both she and Jon are in the process of finding new reality shows to pursue. The only talent they have are solid reproduction skills.

These people were handed fame and fortune for doing nothing.

Lucille Ball was one of a kind. REAL actresses look up to her for her talent and try to emulate her in their craft. These women are on television for legitimate reasons and have earned their fame by possessing innate abilities to perform and entertain professionally. They are the people we should pay attention to.

The talented section:

Debra Messing 

Yes they are both redheads, but that's not the only thing Debra Messing has in common with Lucille Ball. She is hilarious. Throughout her 8 year stint on NBC's Will & Grace, her quirkiness and impeccable comedic timing  had people referring to her as a modern version of Lucille Ball. Now that is a compliment if I've ever heard one. She is also intelligent. She attended college and would actually be able to do something outside of acting if she really wanted to.

Sandra Bullock

Yet another hilarious actress. I literally laugh out loud at this woman. Even though the plots of her movies are usually terrible, she is always funny. Her timing and improvisations are always right on the mark. She also has range. She acted in and produced several of her films including her most recent, The Proposal. Sandra is also a college graduate and can add intelligence to talent on her repertoire. What a gal.

 If you find yourself in the non-talented section, you are perfect for: reality television, tabloid scandals, and a limited time of fame or infamy. You should not be admired or emulated by anyone. You are there for people to laugh at.

So try to be like Sandra Bullock kids! Don't try to be like Nicole Richie.

Got it?

Friday, October 9, 2009

Where do they find these people?

These are some of my favorite reality show cast members of all time, and here's why:

5.) Katie Doyle (Road Rules: The Quest, 2001)

She may be petite, but she is one crazy bitch. It's hilarious.

4.) Kim Stolz (America's Next Top Model, cycle 5)

She was a mediocre model, but so sarcastic and hilarious. Her androgyny was also fascinating.

3.) Kristin Cavallari ( Laguna Beach, 2004-2006; The Hills, 2009)

The promotions for the new season of The Hills let us all know that "The Bitch is Back," and Kristin hasn't disappointed yet. She's doesn't give an eff what people think about her, which always makes for great television!

2.) David Cook (American Idol, Season 7, 2008)

This dude has a kick-ass voice. And he's beautiful.


1.) Christian Siriano

At first he was just an annoying pipsqueak with a bizarre haircut. But he was just so fierce, I ended up loving him.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Su casa es mi casa, bitch

People will do anything for money. That is a given.

And no one makes that more evident than the contestants on the RW/RR Challenges. This year on "The Ruins," they've already started playing dirty, and it's only the second episode! Usually they can hold out until the end to plot, scheme, and back-stab.

But both teams jointly decided to pit Evelyn and Kelly Anne (the BFF's of the show) against each other. That's dirty.

Of course, Evelyn couldn't bare to put up a real fight against Kelly Anne, so she put on a pathetic show and then quit in the end.

Although that was harsh, the lowest-blow came at the end of the show.

Here's some background: Johanna used to date Wes (yuck), but he has now moved on to Kelly Anne and Johanna has become a big slut-face. So everyone hates Wes and wants him to go home, and he wants to stay to continuously throw challenges and make his team lose.

Here's where the ridiculousity comes in.

When Wes and Johanna were dating, Wes purchased a $300,000 home that he now lives in, but here's the kicker...the deed is in Johanna's name. So toward the end of the episode, Johanna approaches Wes and tells hims that if he throws the final challenge, where she could potentially win over $100,000, she will "sell the house and keep all of the money." That was enough to make Wes pee his pants a little.

Well played, Johanna. Well played.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Please spare us a Spencer Jr.

The latest episode of The Hills aired tonight.


- Audrina stood Kristin up for lunch. (Ouch!)

- Kristin kissed Justin Bobby. (She wastes no time!)

- The troublemaker Stephanie told Audrina that Kristin kissed Justin Bobby and Audrina proceeded to have a mini faux-panic attack. (Huh?)

- Spencer (aka The King of Douchebaggery) was mean to a 6-year-old... a 6-year-old!!

And I hope this isn't a recurring issue this season, but Heidi keeps trying to convince Spencer that they should procreate. (I know, I feel the bile rising in my throat too)

Spencer Pratt is arguably the most egotistical, rude, obnoxious DOUCHEBAG who ever lived. The last thing anyone needs is Spencer and Heidi reproducing. Nothing could come of that but some poor little soul destined to be as stupid and arrogant as its parents. It's Lose-Lose.

PLEASE don't do it! I"m begging you! Spare us all!

Luckily for us, Spencer doesn't seem to want a child (because he's too self absorbed to think of anyone but himself) and since Heidi is a complete doormat, the world may be able to sleep sound for a while.